Forum Foolishness…

From the Archives

Originally posted December 29, 2016 

A LITTLE FORUM FUN

You all know how much I love forums, but I must tell you I routinely check them to see what’s going on in this wacky world of detecting and from time to time I do learn something that helps me be a better detectorist. They’re also good for a few laughs. So since you didn’t ask….a few observations.

THE USUAL CAST OF CHARACTERS

“Know it All Ken” – Ken Is the guru on the forum and for that matter all the forums. No matter the topic or question he has the answer.

“Nobody’s older Nick” – no matter how long you’ve been detecting Nick has been doing it longer. He built the first detector with Alexander Graham Bell, knew the lost Dutchman, helped Mel Fisher find the Atocha and was Karl von Mueller’s best friend.

“I can fix it Frank” – No matter what’s wrong with your detector Frank can fix it. Not for real, just online.

“I’ll kick your ass Al” – takes offense to anyone telling him he’s wrong. Fifty years of detecting automatically makes him bad ass.

“Just shoot ’em Jake” – no matter the topic or category Jake thinks a gun will fix the problem.

“Screw it up Sam” – just shows up and starts arguments.

“Welcome aboard Wally” – never offers any useful information but is very good at “welcome” and “Alabama here”….

“Video Vick” – can be counted on to post at least one video every other day. Doesn’t matter if he didn’t find anything interesting …he’s just sure you want to watch him dig holes.

“Has ‘em all Harry” – Harry apparently has every detector made and lists them under his moniker. Wouldn’t be surprised if he has a big collection of willow twigs under his bed.

“What’s the best Willy” – Willy will tell you what to buy, where to buy and how much you should pay for it. Has only one detector but knows how the rest of them work.

“Charter Member Chuck” – Chuck boasts over 200,000 posts, shows up every day, all day and can be counted on to reply to every single post, no matter the category.

“Let’s see you beat this Larry” – has the only detector that can detect a penny at two feet. No matter what you say HIS detector is better.

“Forum owner Fred” – tries to keep order, bans any mention of dealers or brands that aren’t helping his bottom line and swears he’s unbiased and fair.

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AND SOME OF THE MORE POPULAR TOPICS?

“Do you carry a gun when you go detecting” – Goes with the camo and we all know nothing gets that homeowner’s permission quicker than the sight of a Smith & Wesson.

“What is the best metal detector” – good for a thousand replies, lots of biases and no real definitive answer.

“Smoking pot” – nothing like having a clear head, empty pockets and a court date.

“How many detectors do you own” – cause the more you have the better your chances of your wife leaving.

”What am I doing wrong” – 100 replies and 20 different fixes.

“Do coins sink deeper over time” – nobody knows the answer to this and honestly who really gives a shit?

“Gal new to the hobby” – count on a thousand views, 500 replies and 100 offers to show her in person how to do it (detecting that is).

Of course if you posted something like “metal detecting to be banned in the in Southwest” you would see 30 views and 0 replies because hey if it doesn’t affect me who gives a rat’s ass.

MONIKERS

I’ve been envious for years of some of the cool names tekkies use on forums. Names like Relic Nut, Beepbeep, Deftones and Adambomb. Thinking I might get rid of Dick Stout and go with something like Digitforme, Cantgetup, IBhurtin or Mannytabs…..

WHEN I VISIT A FORUM….

….I usually go right away to my favorites like Dumpster Diving, Sluicing, Spelunking and Trommeling (what the hell is trommeling?). Given these popular categories why not one called “Seniors who drink”? Of course they could save space and condense a lot of the categories into just one called “Bullshit”.

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Okay, now that I’ve pissed off every forum owner, admin, and groupie, have a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year, have one for me and take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m old, cranky and on my third glass of red.

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