Brainfarts

 Guess you could call this “scattershooting”

We need to have a yearly award show, just like the Oscars, but for treasure hunters. Maybe awards for Treasure Hunter with most silver, most clad, largest coil, smallest nugget, biggest line of bullshit, etc…..

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Why do tekkies keep setting up new FB group pages, adding their friends without asking, when they know it will die a slow death?

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How many people must lose their lives before Forrest Fenn calls off his buried treasure folly?

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I saw where Minelab will be introducing a new machine at the Detectival event. Here’s hoping it’s a notch above the G0-Find and cheaper than the CTX 3030.

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Based on the items I see found, photographed and shared on Facebook I’m thinking yesteryear’s finds would surely result in a never ending orgasm.

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Is it true there’s a Facebook page called AT-Pro for left handed people with glasses and a lisp?

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Why don’t detectorists read, as in READ? Are photees and videos where we’re at now?

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How many YouTube videos will it finally take for tekkies to finally mutter “meh”…

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Love seeing photos of old detectors. They remind me of great finds, great times and great friends…

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Why doesn’t someone or some manufacturer put together something like “Detectival” here in the US?  The US is approximately 40 times larger than the UK.

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Don’t care what it is you do for a living it’s only a matter of time before technology takes over your job…count on it.

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Used to be going detecting was a simple endeavor. Today it appears to be a major undertaking that ends with movies credits and previews.

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To the manufacturers…want to sell more detectors? Forget the programs, graphs, readouts and push-pads. Concentrate on DEPTH!

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Seems the trend today is to give stuff away in order to get people to like your website, YouTube channel or podcast, so I’m thinking I might give it a try. Maybe an old lug wrench or that “Debbie Does Dallas” VHS tape. Not sure yet. Stay tuned.

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Is anyone out there looking for real loot? As in outlaw loot, buried treasure, caches?

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Sure miss the old days when detector dealers had names like ‘Harry’s Roto-Rooter and Metal Detectors’ and ‘Billy Joe’s Towing and Treasure Supplies’.  They sold out of their garage, cellar and a few stored their inventory under the bed. True dat….

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Worried about knocking on doors?  Well relax. My “Rent-a-Kid” program is coming to an area near you…. Prices will be by the hour and based on age, gender and cuteness. Extra charge for dimples, pigtails and freckles….

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All you gal tekkies….if you are smart you’ll be thinking about an all gal detectorist calendar. There’ money to be made.

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If I hear “haters gonna hate” one more time I’m going to scream!

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It’s only a matter of time before the manufacturers come out with snack food for the treasure hunter? Doesn’t have to be yummy, they just need to put their logo on it and today’s tekkie will buy it.  Maybe Garrett Gummie Bears, Minelab Moon Pies and White’s Field Team Twinkies….

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Why don’t we here in the US have something equivalent to the Brit’s wellies?

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Is it true detector shops are now selling selfie sticks?

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Where are all the YouTube videos with all the rusty finds, pull tabs, bottlecaps and curse words?

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Anyone getting bored to death with tekkie photos and videos that look just like the ones from yesterday, and the day before and the day before that and the….

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You know it used to be easy and sometimes profitable to hunt curb strips. Thinking today you just might get your ass kicked.

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Each time I read about someone finding a hoard I remember the industry exec who said “we sell dreams”….

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Park departments could save money by posting signs that tell us what we CAN do instead of what we can’t.

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Where the hell were all these nasty looking short handled shovels when I was in the Army?

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Idea for detector manufacturers…..instead of names or numbers why not slot machine readouts like bars, cherries, etc.? Just a thought….

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A lot of success detectorists have is often because of ‘where’ and not so much ‘how’. Location, location, location.

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I’m thinking that all you tekkies who post photos and videos daily (or hourly) are either retired, unemployed or slackers who deserve to have your asses fired.

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For all you button fanatics I have over 40 years of buttons sitting in junk boxes somewhere…..for $500 they’re all yours. Deal?

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A suggestion to all you tekkies who love to take photos of your finds.  How about one or two that are NOT in a “clump of dirt” and uploaded instantly.  We will believe you actually found it….honest.

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Ron Guinazzo (Chicago Ron) could go on Facebook and say “I just farted” and within seconds his friends (all 2000 of ‘em) would respond with “Great fart Ron” or “Ron your farts are the best” or “I’d love to be able to fart like that”…..  (and Ron I love you man).

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I am still waiting for that detector with one knob and a screen that offers “yep” and “nope”!

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It’s only a matter of time before you will be able to buy a floral or paisley pinpointer, and who the hell ever thought it was a good idea to offer one in camo?

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How long before detecting videos on YouTube wind up getting someone in trouble?

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When all is said and done don’t we just need volume, disc, and all metal?

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How many treasure hunting forums do we really need, and aren’t the same people on all of them?

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To those of you who drool or pee your pants thinking about working with an archaeologist….be careful what you wish for.  They make the rules and they change them often.

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A suggestion….learn to use a probe. I predict you won’t be sorry and you won’t get your sorry ass kicked out of parks.

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Are video cameras, swingy thingys and camo now considered standard equipment?

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Whatever happened to George Payne?

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Would archaeologists be happier if the Staffordshire hoard was never found?

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Sometimes a well timed fart is all I have to add to the conversation.

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Tell the truth…how many of you have found enough treasure to cover the cost of your gear?

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Work is the curse of the drinking man…

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Ever wonder if all those tekkies who claim to have found “numerous” gold coins really did?

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Here’s hoping every metal detector manufacturer offers wireless headphones for all new models in the future.  I mean, come on, the technology is not exactly new…

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I think every detecting club should ask members to save all their trash, and then at the end of the year put it in a box and deliver it to the local city hall with a “your welcome” note attached!

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Typical script for treasure hunting reality shows.  “Holy cow, come here, look at his” (commercial break) and “I would say it’s worth…pause….pause….pause, a zillion dollars”

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Hate to say it but it’s hard for me to get excited about a Roosie or Merc anymore. It’s either old age or one of my 11 pills.

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Just my opinion but I think the shovel type recovery tools are not helping our image?

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As much as I hate to admit it, those middle range targets tend to take a back seat now…hurts too much just to add to my pulltab collection.

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Why have we become such a “it’s their problem not mine” group of hobbyists? Don’t believe me? Go on a forum, tell them about your city parks being closed and see how many responses you get….

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Why do pin-pointers cost so much? I mean really, come on!

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Why can’t we get back to basics again….no knee pads, no pin-pointers, no lethal diggers, no cameras…..you know, just research and leg work?  Hell, I’ll even give up my walker!

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Curious. Would your wife let you go detecting with a female club member? Just the two of you?

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Am I the only one who misses the old short, staccato-like audio responses? Seems they used to define targets so much better.

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Why do arkies blame US because THEY aren’t working?

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Do you think Wally and Harry will ever get a pair?

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Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?

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Ever wonder what the competition would be like if detectors did not have a discriminate mode?

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Do you think there’s a little bit of  inflation when it comes to the finds made by those $2,500 detectors?  I mean after spending so much you have to justify it, right?  Especially to your wife.

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Has anyone ever had any luck with the ole “Windows is checking for a solution to the problem”?   Just wondering….

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Curious.  Who was the first tekkie to take videos of their “in the field” experiences?  I mean who was it that decided others would want to watch “them” dig a coin, button, whatever?  Kinda pretentious wouldn’t you say?

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 Once asked a female tekkie why there weren’t more gals in the pastime?  After all it was a healthy outdoor pastime and you can come home with money in your pocket. She replied, “Easier to marry a lawyer or doctor”.

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Ever wonder why arkies don’t take their anger out on shovel manufacturers, mall developers and graveyard owners? 

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Why do detectorists keep bringing up the age old question of “do items keep sinking in the ground?”  No one knows the answer to that, nor does anyone really care! Just go  hunt for crissakes!

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If deer hunters wore pink, would tekkies do the same?

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If camo is now the rage, can face paint and swat teams be far behind?

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When will those older folks who wear their baseball caps backward finally grow up?

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Can we please find another word to describe a find?  “Sweet” is corny and getting old now.

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Curious…after you take that “in-the-field” video and post it all over the internet do you ever watch it again?

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Wonder what KVM would think of pinpointers, video cameras and swingy thingys?

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If I’m lucky one of the manufacturers will come out with a walking cane that’s a metal detector.  Might be my only hope now.

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Tell the truth…nothing could beat the ole gigantic Kellyco catalog when you were on the hopper right?

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Okay all you Rambos out there…like it or not, no matter how many camo outfits, backpacks, boots, knives, shovels and diggers you buy, and how macho you try and make it, you’re still just swinging a little ole plastic dish on a stem.

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“The Stout Heat Index Scale” is a formula that I came up with a while back. It’s how I decide if and when I go detecting. It may not be appropriate for your neck of the woods but it works perfectly fine here in Texas.

THE STOUT HEAT INDEX SCALE

  • 80 degrees…..Yep!
  • 85 degrees…..Probably!
  • 90 degrees…..Will think about it!
  • 95 degrees…..Nope!
  • 100 degrees…Hell No!
  • 105 degrees…Are you shittin me?

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Okay to keep up with the Joneses I am having a contest.  Send me a photo of your best find and if you are the winner you give it to me. Thanks and good luck….

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I fear that treasure hunting today is not defined by what you dig up but how cool you look doing it.

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Life sure is more fun when you have a dirty mind….

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If I ever run into you and you are looking at a smart phone, save me time and bend over….

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No question in my mind….if I was inclined to start out and get in to the pastime in 2014 I would pass and find another hobby.

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I get kidded a lot about  my name but it could be worse . I knew a Barbie Kew and used to have a customer at Borders by the name of Anita Dick. True!!

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Not a big fan of all the self produced videos out there  but it  sure would be nice if all you Cecile B. DeMilles would share what detector and what size coil you are using along with any other “useful” information.  You can still breathe heavy and grunt though…..

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Always find it amusing that detectorists think after market searchcoils are “better” than those that came with their detector? Do they think the manufacturers are holding back?  Me thinks it’s a matter of marketing and a psychological need to buy something else….

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I sometimes think that all you need to be a great treasure hunter is an internet connection….

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You call them swear words. I call them “sentence enhancers”

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I’ve often thought they should make Black Friday part of the Olympics. You know, put a large screen TV fifty yards away and let the entrants do whatever is necessary, including stomping their competitors to death, in order to retrieve it.  I doubt however there would any interest from countries other than the US.

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“On my way back to the car” is the equivalent of “it was a dark and stormy night”….

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I see people on social media who apparently do nothing but make videos and travel all over the country.  What gives with that? Are they independently wealthy or are they robbing banks? Seriously!

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Maybe I missed something, but why the hell is the new Garrett pinpointer waterproof down to ten feet?  Do tekkies really use it in water that deep?

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I finally figured out the real reason for the short handled shovel.  It’s for taking photos of your detector leaning on it.

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Sadly the  ole “he who has the most toys wins” has taken over this pastime. No limit to what tekkies will spend on all the frills and extras.

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Really beginning to doubt some of the finds being posted on social media…. always the same people,  and on a daily basis.  Just who is manufacturing that “bullshit” model?

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There’s has to be a point, or cutoff, when someone posts a photo of a UFO (unidentified metal object) on a forum, asking what it is.  I mean come on, after fifty wild ass guesses someone needs to call time and say this is a POS (as in piece of sh*t).  I know the finds are scarce, but not every single item you find is museum quality.

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Years ago detectors were much simpler and the finds more plentiful. Today detectors are more complex and the finds few and far between.  I think that’s called progress?

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How long before Kellyco opens up a drive thru?

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Okay, I am not a relic hunter, and I will play the fool.  How many damn mini-balls do you need?

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From a metal detecting Facebook page….

“Just for fun lets show a picture of our pouch, There’s not much to mine, Show what you have as tools etc..”

All I can say is holy shit!

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I think I am starting to understand the aging process. I now leave written reminders to remember earlier ones.

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It’s getting harder and harder to respond to … “Hi I live in Cleveland and just bought a detector. Suggestions please on where to hunt?” 

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Is it really necessary to post photos of your outing when you have already shared five thrilling minutes on video?  I mean come on, I really do believe you found that silver dime.  No need to go on and on about it.

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After watching a few tekkie produced YouTube videos, I have to believe GoPro is laughing all the way to the bank…….

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Thinking we need some kind of criteria that tekkies have to meet in order to post photos of their finds to the internet.  Just way tooooo many out there that I have to question.  Okay, I am being polite.  Way toooo many out there that I call bullshit!

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Think I might start a business called Rent a Kid, and franchise it.  It’s for those tekkies who are worried about knocking on doors. A cute little five or six-year kid standing by your side just might make the difference. What do you think?

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If you want to find good things, research.  If you want to become brain dead, go to YouTube and type metal detecting in the search area….

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If its Sunday night it’s “let’s put up the photos and videos” time. “Need to win this mutha, no matter what….”

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The way things are going I’m betting a gluten free detector can’t be too far off…

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Tear here, and EZ open are bullshit terms…

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Every time I start going through all the metal detecting Facebook groups I think I am in Venice…

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There’s really nothing complicated. Just read the owner’s manual, then use the detector that came with it, along with the coil that came with it, and see what happens. It’s just that easy (unless it cost over $1,000)…

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One thing a tornado has taught me is that “easy to assemble” and “no tools needed” are bullshit phrases…

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After December 26 I am a firm believer in “shit happens”….

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Did you ever wonder why Tarzan didn’t have a big ass beard?

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Not sure about you, but I am voting for Chicago Ron when I vote in November.

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I’m already thinking about tomorrow’s nap…

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Remembering how much I yearned to be out in the field detecting, I have to wonder how much time today is spent making videos vs. actual searching? Have a feeling the difference is huge….

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Got to wonder how many metal detecting videos and podcasts are out there today.  Wasn’t that long ago we had to keep reading the same treasure magazine until the next one arrived…..

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When I see all the button and buckle collections I wonder just how many “historical” items I threw out over the years….

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 Still working on my book and thinking it will surely piss a few people off but then again life is too short and mine even shorter….

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Really amazed at what detectorists save and try to identify today.  Has it come to that for the hobby?

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Does John Howland ever go to bed and NOT dream about archaeologists?

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Someday the manufacturers will return to the smaller 7 inch coil and say “damn, Dick Stout was right”. Then again, probably not…

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I am totally amazed and dumbfounded at what excites today’s tekkie. It apparently doesn’t take much….

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Have a hunch there are a lot of very successful and very knowledgeable detectorists out there who aren’t interested in taking selfies and videos…

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If I ever open my email in the morning and NOT see “D.J. Yost posted, or shared” I will panic….

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Amazing how many people want a mention here but after the fact they are missing in action.  Can’t find time to add a comment and I doubt they even visit after. It’s the ME generation, a.k.a be sure to see me on YouTube.

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15 responses to “Brainfarts

  1. Did you pick my thoughts?
    I am still waiting for a washing machine with one button that says ( WASH).
    Frank…-

  2. Why do pin-pointers cost so much? I mean really, come on!
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    Well the pin-pointer actually cost $16, the rest is for the name on it.
    Proof: The Harbor Freight cost $16 and it does the same thing.
    Frank…-

  3. Why do detectorists keep bringing up the age old question of “do items keep sinking in the ground?” No one knows the answer to that, nor does anyone really care! Just go hunt for crissakes!

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    They don’t sink. They are covered by decaying vegetation. It helps in dating and is different in different areas. In my area of Maryland, a coin found at 3″to4″ was lost in the 40s. An ax head found at 10″ was lost 200 years ago. Around Quartzite There is no vegetation so things just lay on the surface or may be covered by blowing ‘sand’..
    If you really think about it, that’s the answer. Frank…-

  4. Arthur J Fleming

    I have twice gone detecting with a lady MD’er, and my wife let me. Not sure if it was because she trusts me, or was hoping she would be rid of me, but it did happen. Artie

  5. Laugh out loud truths, I’ve found the place to dwell when not out swinging my detector.
    Cheers!

  6. John Devereux

    Funny man!!! I am of that age where I find myself agreeing with you. Good sign?? Please pass on my thanks to John Howland for his video on the Garrett AT Pro. Helped a lot. It seems to be on par with the XP Goldmaxx Power after initial use, just looks a bit more trick. The plus side is the waterproof aspect for our rubbish UK weather. As if to prove me wrong the sun is shining and it’s supposed to be 68 F tomorrow. We get excited about such temperatures. :):):)

  7. I’ve got as far as ,have I made enough money to pay for my detector ? Well if you don’t include the last two( Makro Racer 2 & Nokta Fors Relic) that were sent to me to review along with a Garret Carrot then I guess so . On the Garret AT pro and T2 I did . On the racer 1 also . Add into the mix I only drive a £500 car and detecting has paid for that too . Although I think I’ve covered the cost of a new Makro Racer 2 Witt that one . Best machine I’ve ever used .

  8. paul butterley

    people that go on forums and say today’s hammered,

    like its every day they find them

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