Remember You Heard It Here First!

Yup, it’s that time of the year again (you lose). Here are my predictions for the forthcoming year. Hope you will remember you heard them here first. Happy Hunting!!

What to Expect in 2023

January –

Paul Barford and Nigel Swift have a spousal tiff and go their separate ways with Barford threatening to spill the beans about the fictitious Artifact Erosion Counter.

Minelab says the Manticore is almost ready for the masses. All they need are twelve more orders to start production.


February –

The Stout Standards blog celebrates it’s 13th year and no one gives a rat’s ass.

John Howland gives up drinking after just waking up from Christmas eve get-together.


March –

Baffling new illness hits detectorists worldwide. Serious head pain/aches  the debilitating culprit. Preliminary studies indicate it could be the result of an acute obsession with eliminating iron. Many of the afflicted sob “this used to be so much fun”.

Minelab sues Bounty Hunter claiming their coils are round just like theirs.


April –

Dick Stout once again heads out detecting and manages twelve down and ups recovering pull-tabs. This smashes the previous record of eight. If all goes well he should be able to sit upright in two to three weeks.

Garrett introduces new AT model, claiming that when winter arrives you can remover circuitry and use it as a faucet cover.


May –

Ron and Gretchen Guinazzo move to Aruba and offer detecting trips to the UK and Chicago. Chicago tours are not chaperoned. You get a map of the hot spots and then you’re on your own.

First Texas promises new Fisher model but does not give a date. CEO will only commit to sometime in the next decade and promises that it will indeed have an X in it’s name.


June –

Nokta’s Dilek Gonulay challenges the CEO’s of Minelab and XP to an arm wrestling match and both refuse.

Dick Stout attempts another foray into the field in hopes he can break the 12 down and ups record in April but refuses to share his adventure until he’s out of the hospital.


July –

Netflix announces a special pricing plan for detectorists using detectors and pinpointers that have LCD screen.

For $59.95 you can go to dinner with Nugget Noggin. For $89.95 you can eat too.


August –

YouTube tekkies unionize and ask for more exposure and money or else they will take their videos elsewhere. YouTube replies “promises, promises, promises“….

Garrett releases the Super Apex AT Pro Max with increased depth/sensitivity. First ads proclaim it will detect a dime at three feet and a bag of nails at ten (when maxed out).


September –

Minelab sues Teknetics, claiming their products can detect metal just like theirs.

US Mint finally ceases production of the penny forcing every manufacturer and retailer to round off (and up) their prices.


October –

Minelab, Nokta and XP all introduce new detector models via clever sneak peek videos that end with “get your pre-orders in now”

New business titled “YouTube Stardom” comes on the scene, promising instant fame and fortune, free equipment and a star on Hollywood’s walk of fame. Only requirements? Be out of work, be able to bullshit and be able to knock out at least one video a week.

November – 

Minelab’s new model is uniquely called the Equinox 1000. Estimated release date – “soon”.

Paul Barford goes on Shark Tank seeking investors for his tired and failing Portable Antiquities blog. They listen to his dribble and turn him down with Mr. Wonderful commenting “the other blogs and websites will crush you like the cockroach you are….


December – 

Someone finally tells JT that hee, hee, hee is not spelled ehe! he! heh!

Dominque finally takes my advice from years ago and comes out with an all gal tekkie calendar and sales are through the roof!

Dick Stout threatens another year of musings, then pops a cork, grateful he survived the past one.




Filed under Metal Detecting

32 responses to “Remember You Heard It Here First!

  1. Paul Southerland

    Happy New Year Dick! Thanks for your predictions.

  2. John Devereux

    Hi Dick
    A Happy New Year to you.
    I bet those predictions are spot on. 😂😂😂😂😂
    I’m pleased to see that you haven’t lost your sense of humour. 👍👍😂😂😂😂
    All the very best from a very wet south of England.

  3. Dominique

    Can the calendar include detectors leaning against shovels? 🤔

  4. john taylor

    hee! hee! hee! love to see that calendar come to fruition!..leaning against shovels!..what a wonderful concept! ehe! he! eheh!

    not sure why one would WANT to see England (always raining) much rather see Ireland at least the sun shines once in a while, and it’s GREEN too! ..just sayin’

    j.(stayin’ away from china!) t.

    • Been suggesting that calendar for sometime….

      As for the UK, you obviously haven’t been there JT. Beautiful country, and it does not rain all the time, ehe, he, eheh….just sayin’…

      • john taylor

        as long as you enjoyed your stay over there, that’s all that counts dick!
        I would prefer to go to Ireland for reasons mentioned, if I could get lucky enough to go that is!
        I honestly would by pass england and go to Scotland,and Ireland ! just sayin’!


  5. No offense ladies, but my vote is for a calendar of ONLY detectors leaning on shovels.

  6. The only prediction I can’t believe is the US Mint actually getting rid of the Penny. Ah c’mon I know that’ll never happen!✌️

  7. John Hooker

    Happy New Year, Dick!

    13 years blogging is impressive, most blogs die after a few months. Perhaps you will enter the record books!

    I’m no expert on many of the things you have predicted for the new year but they all seem to be quite possible save for one.

    John Howland parting with wine? This warps my sense of reality: everything would fall apart and the centre would not hold.

    Best for ’23


  8. Ed B.

    I can’t wait for the August rollout of Garrett’s new Super ApexATProMax. Currently I use an ATMax and Sue uses an ATPro, but to get both detectors all wrapped into one would be great. Sign me up for two of them. Detecting dimes at three feet deep would also be a plus because lately I haven’t dug any clad dimes at more than two and a half feet so I know I’m missing some.
    As for a new calendar…..How about one that’s one of those desktop ones that you change every day? It could contain 365 pictures of gals wearing camo bikinis while leaning on shovels.

    • You’ll just have to get your preorder in Ed. That’s the way it work today. No more getting the machine right away.

      As for the calendar the one a day would be great. Just don’t like the “camo” bikini thing. Not the item itself, just the camo motif.

  9. john taylor

    ehe! he! eheh! detecting babes posing for a calendar! damn good idea!
    definitely will further advance the hobby! howland can be the camera man!
    keep him “well juiced” for a good time!


  10. john taylor

    as I explained,dick tossed the double saw buck into a salvation army pot
    this xmas! you helped feed the “great unwashed!” time for some “taste!”
    just sayin’


  11. Tony

    Good amount of predicting there and probably 99% accurate. I took a tenth off because the US Mints only Cents, not pennies. But after that many Blog years no one gives a rat’s behind

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