2021 – Coming Attractions!

John Winter’s recent tongue in cheek post titled “Listicles” had me chuckling but I don’t want him to think he’s the only tekkie clairvoyant.  Here’s what I see for the year 2021.

January 2021

Covid-19 is still around, with deaths in the US topping 300,000, 800,000 worldwide. Despite this people still party because after all it won’t affect them.

With high unemployment more and more people take up detecting hoping to strike it rich while die hard tekkies sell their finds in order to pay bills.

Jocelyn Elizabeth’s new YouTube channel “Crazy Couch Lady” garners 500,00 followers within 24 hours.

February 2021 

Garrett Electronics continues to dominate the accessory market adding camo wallpaper for the home, a plastic box to keep your finds box in and a three piece polyester camo suit with Garrett logo for Sundays.

After year long quarantine and lack of personal interaction, treasure hunting clubs flourish with members begging to be officers.

Nugget Noggin finally finds a nugget!

March 2021

After 30 years John Howland finally gets “real” angry at Paul Barford and Nigel Swift.

Fisher and Teknetics scramble to come up with a detector that has an X in it’s name.

Dick Stout announces the start of a new YouTube series titled “Unboxing”. Like the ever popular and never ending videos of detectorists opening their new detectors Dick will film the unboxing of every purchase he makes be it a detector, TV, refrigerator, package of jockey shorts or box of cereal.

April 2021

YouTube puts a freeze on all further metal detecting videos saying “enough already”.

New treasure hunting reality series debuts featuring a cast of five female detectorists with guess appearances by the Mountain Men, Swamp People and Billy the Exterminator.

The Hoover Boys finally add vacuum cleaners to their Amazon items for sale.

May 2021

Ron Guinazzo and wife Gretchen move to UK and start promoting week long detecting trips to Chicago.

Paul Barford creates another fictitious commenter after a real person named Brian Mattick gets pissed off.

June 2021

Dick Stout and John Winter celebrate another birthday with a glass or two of vino and no one gives a rat’s ass.

Gary Smith finds hoard number 10 just outside Windsor castle.

KG & Ringy decide they need to add a little humor to their metal detecting.

July 2021 

Only five people show up for Detectival after event organizers announce this years event would not have a hospitality tent.

Minelab debuts its newest detector, the Equinox 1000 by shooting it out of a cannon. It won’t be ready till early 2022, but pre-orders top the 10,000 mark with tekkies proclaiming “if it’s a Nox I’m buying it, dammit.”

Bounty Hunter announces their first Dollar Tree metal detector.

August 2021

John Howland can’t take it any more and flies to Warsaw, intent on punching out Paul Barford’s lights but upon arrival can’t find his way out of the airport bar.

Meanwhile in the UK Nigel Swift gets beaten about the head with a fourteen inch searchcoil after his fake beard falls off in metal detector shop.

The Curse of Oak Island TV series shares the award for best all time reality show with “My 600 lb. Life” and “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”.

September 2021

Nokta/Makro comes out with yet another low end detector that is waterproof, shatterproof, wireless, stemless and weighs  3 oz.. Price is $19.95, $20.95 with Wifi.

J.T. finally figures out what capital letters are and stops the “just sayin” BS.

Nigel Swift and Paul Barford tie the knot, live miserably ever after and no one gives a rat’s ass.

October 2021

XP comes out with Deus attachment for the Roomba.

Jocelyn Elizabeth gets fed up, cashes out and buys YouTube.

Forest Fenn buries another treasure worth close to a million dollars.  His only clue – “I can’t remember where I put the damn thing”.

November 2021

Garrett Electronics introduces the AT-BDD (Best Damn Detector) model. Same hardware as the previous AT’s but with 24 push pads for the tech savvy, know it all’s.

The metal detecting YouTube channel “Nothing but Crap” is big winner in the “Tell it Like it Is” Video Awards show

Dick Stout comes up with yet another ailment, hampering even more his ability to detect, write and drink and no one gives a rat’s ass (except for Dick…Dick gives a rat’s ass).

December 2021 

To counter the phony AEC (Artifact Erosion Counter) Detectorists create NOGARA (No One Gives a Rat’s Ass).

Two of the most popular metal detecting forums add “Fake Finds” and “I Know More Than You” categories.

Covid-19 is still around, with deaths in the US topping 400,000, 1 million worldwide and people finally stop partying because it has indeed affected them!!! 


And please, aside from the covid-19 comments this post is tongue-in-cheek. 


PS: I have a new detector and I’m impressed! Stay tuned…




Filed under Metal Detecting

27 responses to “2021 – Coming Attractions!

  1. Randy Dee

    Come on Dick spill the beans what new detector have you been getting.

  2. Bill Proenza


    I kid you not, I’m still laughing!

  3. wintersen

    Hello Dick. A good try, but I couldn’t give a rat’s arse. (notice the ‘correct’ spelling.) I laughed at the frequent uses of the phrase because, In my imagination, I saw a braying donkey sticking out of the monkey’s rear end. Actually, of all the examples mentioned, I couldn’t give a monkeys fart. We are cut from the same cloth – Grumpy Old Men.

    Get your money back from that clairvoyant you consulted. I celebrate my 80th birthday in March!

    I enjoyed that my friend. Keep ‘em coming . . . but forget the ‘ass’ of the rat . . .. I don’t give a monkey’s toss either! I particularly liked the John Howland reference..

    • Be nice to me John. I’ll sick Barford on you….

      • Barford?? Barford?? Who he?? There’s someone out there who uses the alias ‘Barford’. A very nice chap apparently. Very polite. An intellectual. Trump and Brexit supporter. Loves the US and Israel. Owns a metal detector. Would this be the same guy?

        Good to see old JW out of hibernation.

        i’m just sayin’

  4. john taylor

    still laughin’ dick,but i still think you care more than you want to let on!
    the first one’s always the “smoothest!” ”nick” ”nick” ”nick” ahhh!..indians!
    i’m just sayin’


  5. John Devereux

    😂😂😂😂 Very funny Dick. Laughing here in the UK. On a serious note, Covid 19 hasn’t killed as many here as the flu did last year which was around 56, 000. All very strange. First time in history that the healthy have been quarantined. Anyways, ground here is too hard to dig unless you are Arnold Schwarzenegger so my V3i remains in the shed. 😂😂😂😂

  6. john taylor

    john! i remember a “chap” named “barford” in high school! a little “slow” he was, always tryin’ to look up the girl’s dresses! jeeeez! i hope time has been kind to him! just sayin’


  7. Tony

    Great post with terrific humor. Can you share your insights on the price of Gold, Silver and copper for that time frame?

    • Actually Tony I’ve been thinking about selling a few silver Roosies. Haven’t a crystal ball when it comes to precious metals but I would strike while the iron is hot. I sold off common date years ago and made a nice profit – literally the day before the price of silver tanked (thanks to the Hunt bros.). No manipulation now, just crazy times.

      The real answer to your question is your guess is as good as mine.

  8. john taylor

    hey dick! who needs “meds” when ya got the ole’ “cock-a doodle-do!
    heh! he! heh! i’m just sayin’


  9. john taylor

    reverend howland!
    just the same, the “barford” you refer to, whoever he really is,
    is a very smart fellow for the reasons “you” mentioned! (lol!)
    i’m just sayin’


  10. Ed B.

    Excellent article Dick….I smiled, chuckled, and laughed all the way through it. Thank you for that. I’m also of the feeling that everything you “predicted” has a chance of actually happening save one…….but I’m just sayin’

  11. john taylor

    we have a ”consensus”. this must mean the russian vaccine
    will “work” because it’s laced with vodka?,and garrett’s apex
    will be ready by xmas?..i’m just sayin’


  12. john taylor

    consensus of opinion!..both you and ed agree that the “just sayin’
    part of my posts will not change. this is true! i consider that phrase an essential part of my posts!
    i’m just sayin’


  13. Luke R.

    your predictions to me feel spot on IMHO. even though I have no clue who most of the people are, that you are talking about. But i especially enjoyed the Dollar Tree Bounty Hunter. I do foresee some tech folks selling build it yourself detectors kits all fully 3D printed. 🙂

  14. Luke R.

    i foresee Garrett coming out with its own Ace Cereal… in its own Yellow Box. Kellogg’s files lawsuit as Ace Cereal looks too much like Corn Pops.

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