Going Zonkers…

Well here I sit, trying to figure out what to do that might be useful, entertaining or fulfilling and that won’t result in my getting the coronavirus.

Initially I was one of those adventurous shoppers scouting the neighborhood markets for toilet paper but I gave that up when I remembered I had a few archaeological periodicals in the garage. Then it was pasta! My supply in the pantry was down to twelve boxes, mostly tagliatelle and bucatini and there was no way I was going to be stuck in the house without linguine. Well guess what? The shelves were bare. Worse the bastards were buying it not because they were in love with it but because it was cheap!

So after stocking up on ramen soup, canned asparagus, Twizzlers and Cabernet Sauvignon I thought it was best to go home – shelter in place. The shoppers I was seeing were looking meaner and more desperate. One even told me “touch that Dr. Pepper bottle and you’re a dead man!”  This being Texas I decided I really didn’t need any Dr. Pepper….

The number of those infected was growing and I was in for the long haul. I locked the door, got naked, grabbed my Twizzlers, sat on the couch, turned on the tele and the first thing that came on was the $&@# Curse of Oak Island!! After cleaning up the broken glass I went in my office and turned on the TV in there. I scrolled through all 629 channels and decided to watch a little HGTV. I mean what the hell, it might be a good time to get working on various projects around the house. I happened to mention this to Fay and she turned off the TV, took the remote and hid it?  WTF?

So next I decided to see what going on in cyberspace…

Email was the same ole, same ole…warnings about the virus, ads telling me my sex drive was on a downward spiral (not exactly those words), notices that my credit card info needed to be updated and a reminder that if I didn’t watch Deep Digging Dwayne’s soon to be released YouTube video I would miss out on the most fantastic find of the decade, not to mention a 1948 wheat penny giveaway.

Next I checked out a few forums, read all the “Newbie here” and “what does a 14K gold ring read out as” postings and moved on to YouTube where I found myself nodding off after ten consecutive dash cam intros of “it’s 6AM and we’re heading to an old 1700’s never before detected colonial site”

“Welcome from Georgia…”

I was now feeling hungry but decided to hold off and go outside and rake some leaves. Anyway last time I opened the fridge I swear it said “what the hell do you want now?” I raked and raked, filled up two gigantic bags with leaves and was feeling pretty good about finally accomplishing something. Came in the house, took a shower, passed out on the bed and woke up with a bad back and carpel tunnel pain like never before. I really need to buy one of those leaf blowers….

So tonight I think I will open a bottle of Cabernet, make some linguine & meatballs and decide which of the above exciting things I want to do tomorrow. Making meatballs will take some time but hey I have lots of that now.  Cheers!


On a more serious note I hope those of you who can are sheltering in place and only venturing out for necessities. I have a friend in the UK who has contracted the virus and he stated it’s unlike anything he’s ever gone through before. Stay safe and  have one for me….




Filed under Metal Detecting

22 responses to “Going Zonkers…

  1. Randy Dee


    It is going to be an awful 12 weeks here in the UK trying to keep sane during this enforced custody, just completed the first week and my nail marks are embedded in the wall, but trying to keep myself occupied washing up, hoovering, making meals some fun this I must say.

    Keep plodding away and thinking of the great escape day and what you will go overboard with.

    Good Luck,
    Randy Dee

    • Thanks Randy, good luck to you a well. As long as I don’t get this nasty virus I will make it through. Worse things than being housebound, eating and drinking. Cheers!

  2. John Devereux

    Hi Dick.
    Very amusing. Texas is somewhere you don’t want to get into some argument over groceries. Over here we have over zealous plod (police) drunk on their new powers to fine people for trying to do the right thing. (Don’t ask) Makes their non crime figures look good though.

    Just picked up a Tesoro Cibola just to see if how it measures up to some of my detecting buddies new machines. Shame I can’t go out and try it now we’ve been told to stay in. I can’t think of a more social distancing hobby than metal detecting and it’s good exercise which we are allowed to do. Except that the National Council of Metal Detecting posted a declaration not to go out. The order, sorry, guidance was posted in true dictator style. slightly toned down in a follow up notice threatening to remove our insurance and be forever banned and shamed for bringing metal detecting into disrepute if we dared disobey. Talk about over reaching their authority. Oh sorry they don’t have any. So whilst most people are being community minded those with a Hitler complex are also coming out to the woodwork. Was it ever thus.

    My wife and I fortunately have plenty of loose leaf tea (made Britain what it was you know) and toilet rolls so we won’t get dehydrated and won’t be using old magazines to…….. Anyway now is a perfect opportunity to learn a new skill so I shall be attempting to learn to play the guitar whilst in enforced isolation.

    All the best
    John in a currently sunny if chilly Eastbourne.

    • I saw the NCMD posting and thought it was somewhat odd too, especially since almost all of your detecting is in the wide open areas. Wonder if the insurance thing played a part in their decision?

      Best of luck with the guitar. Ironically I once made my living playing guitar and now looking to sell my instruments because I can no longer play. I can’t think too long on it or I tear up. Take care…

  3. John Devereux

    Hi Dick. The thing is it’s only public liability insurance which we can get anywhere and as you say we detect in wide open areas. There are those who want their 15 minutes of fame I suppose.

    Wow, I’m really impressed Dick. Making a living like that has got to be hard so I take my hat off to you, metaphorically of course. I’m sorry you can no longer play though. I don’t expect to reach that standard but as I’ve never played any musical instrument apart from the recorder whilst at school, I would like to at least be able to knock out a tune. My wife, in her youth played cello, violin, and piano but then she was privately educated unlike myself. (She married beneath herself. :):) )

    Watch this space, or not. Tee hee.

    All the best,


  4. John Devereux

    I don’t think I’d risk playing to a former professional unless of course he’s well lubricated on the vino, :):)

  5. Tony

    Thanks for the laughs buddy! Crazy here too in good ole NJ.-

  6. I’m not sure that the NCMD could organise a p*ss-up in a brewery.

  7. Frank Blazi

    Thanks Dick, now the image of you, naked with twizzlers in your grasp, while sitting on your couch is burned into my imagination. We too are stuck at home. Fortunately, my back yard abuts a large tract of forested land with over 40 colonial cellar holes. So as long as I am healthy,my dog and I will be re-pounding these sites as a means of preserving sanity. Stay well my friend.

  8. john taylor

    i tink some a dos mcmd peoples gut some “smelly stuff” in dere draws!
    perhaps upon reflection, they might care to reconsider…i’m just sayin’


  9. john taylor

    the mcmd is full of sh*t ..perhaps upon reflection, they may reconsider!


  10. john taylor

    this organization is assuming it’s members are “obtuse” and will be “next” to each other when metal detecting in the great outdoors.this definitely “suggests” a “lack of trust’ on their part in implementing such an order.it is understandable to err on the side of caution, and perhaps could be misconstrued as a father figure disciplining children, but i will admit,”some” people do need to be “told what to do!” still consider this unnecessary, but reluctantly understand, as it is a “blanket” directive to be ”seen” as attempting to do the ‘right” thing.

    my opinion is just that, an opinion, the same as “yours”,and dick you know what they say about opinions either yours,or mine,they are like as*holes,everybody has one, and they generally “stink!”

    i’m just sayin’


  11. john taylor

    dick “20 rolls” stout!..whouda thunk?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.