Forum Fun…

Avoiding the heat and spending time at the library. Lots of material, a lot of reading and note taking…

In the meantime another rerun from December 2016….


You all know how much I love forums, but I must tell you I routinely check them to see what’s going on in this wacky world of detecting and from time to time I do learn something that helps me be a better detectorist. They’re also good for a few laughs. So since you didn’t ask….a few observations.


“Know it All Ken” – Ken Is the guru on the forum and for that matter all the forums. No matter the topic or question he has the answer.

“Nobody’s older Nick” – no matter how long you’ve been detecting Nick has been doing it longer. He built the first detector with Alexander Graham Bell, knew the lost Dutchman, helped Mel Fisher find the Atocha and was Karl von Mueller’s best friend.

“I can fix it Frank” – No matter what’s wrong with your detector Frank can fix it. Not for real, just online.

“I’ll kick your ass Al” – takes offense to anyone telling him he’s wrong. Fifty years of detecting automatically makes him bad ass.

“Just shoot ’em Jake” – no matter the topic or category Jake thinks a gun will fix the problem.

“Screw it up Sam” – just shows up and starts arguments.

“Welcome aboard Wally” – never offers any useful information but is very good at “welcome” and “Alabama here”….

“Video Vick” – can be counted on to post at least one video every other day. Doesn’t matter if he didn’t find anything interesting …he’s just sure you want to watch him dig holes.

“Has ‘em all Harry” – Harry apparently has every detector made and lists them under his moniker. Wouldn’t be surprised if he has a big collection of willow twigs under his bed.

“What’s the best Willy” – Willy will tell you what to buy, where to buy and how much you should pay for it. Has only one detector but knows how the rest of them work.

“Charter Member Chuck” – Chuck boasts over 200,000 posts, shows up every day, all day and can be counted on to reply to every single post, no matter the category.

“Let’s see you beat this Larry” has the only detector that can detect a penny at two feet. No matter what you say HIS detector is better.

“Forum owner Fred” – tries to keep order, bans any mention of dealers or brands that aren’t helping his bottom line and swears he’s unbiased and fair.

doctor ________________________


“Do you carry a gun when you go detecting” Goes with the camo and we all know nothing gets that homeowner’s permission quicker than the sight of a Smith & Wesson.

“What is the best metal detector” good for a thousand replies, lots of biases and no real definitive answer.

“Smoking pot”nothing like having a clear head, empty pockets and a court date.

“How many detectors do you own” cause the more you have the better your chances of your wife leaving.

”What am I doing wrong” 100 replies and 20 different fixes.

“Do coins sink deeper over time” nobody knows the answer to this and honestly who really gives a shit?

“Gal new to the hobby” count on a thousand views, 500 replies and 100 offers to show her in person how to do it (detecting that is).

Of course if you posted something like “metal detecting to be banned in the in Southwest you would see 30 views and 0 replies because hey if it doesn’t affect me who gives a rat’s ass.


I’ve been envious for years of some of the cool names tekkies use on forums. Names like Relic Nut, Beepbeep, Deftones and Adambomb. Thinking I might get rid of Dick Stout and go with something like Digitforme, Cantgetup, IBhurtin or Mannytabs…..


….I usually go right away to my favorites like Dumpster Diving, Sluicing, Spelunking and Trommeling (what the hell is trommeling?). Given these popular categories why not one called “Seniors who drink”? Of course they could save space and condense a lot of the categories into just one called “Bullshit”.


Okay, now that I’ve pissed off every forum owner, admin, and groupie, have a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year, have one for me and take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m old, cranky and on my third glass of red.





Filed under Metal Detecting

18 responses to “Forum Fun…

  1. David

    Regular camo or pink camo, which is better?

  2. Bill Proenza


    I’m still laughing 😀 over the rerun on your observations of the usual cast of characters found in the forums:*”A LITTLE FORUM FUN”! * Thanks for your insights with humor…and the extra prominent listing!!

    Incidentally, when you find a special site based on all that oral history of Rockwall and want a detecting buddy, let me know!


  3. Tony

    Dick, the one about “ Do coins sink over time” ….wow that got me laughing loud and banging the table. I too can’t for the life of me understand why even start a discussion about that crap. You are right who even would give a shit over crap that really doesn’t matter.
    Yup, you did it again, another good tell it like it is post.
    Keep it up, you are the best, thanks again.

  4. I don’t own a forum, but now I think I may go shopping and see if I can find a good used one somewhere…for the right price, of course…

  5. Ed B.

    I can get my wife to leave if I buy a few more detectors? How many do I have to buy to make my mother in law go with her?

    • A helluva lot Ed. Lost track of how many detectors I’ve had over the years and this year Fay and I will have been married 52 years.


    Gal new to hobby………….and their videos seem to get a lot of views. Nothing to do with the bikini wearing of course…………….Just deciding whether to a) read a blog or b) go out detecting now that I’ve walked the hounds. Actually the only blog I regularly read is yours Dick. Best, John. PS The gun/permission idea wouldn’t work here because most people wouldn’t recognise a .357 even if it was close up. :):)

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