A Barrel of Brainfarts…

This morning after breakfast I sat down to my computer and ventured into cyberspace and what is now the wild, whacky world of metal detecting.  Seems there’s always a crisis and some sort of drama.  Sheesh!

Well time moves on in my little corner of the world and sometimes brainfarts emerge. Yup, you lose….


We need to have a yearly award show, just like the Oscars, but for treasure hunters. Maybe awards for Treasure Hunter with most silver, most clad, largest coil, smallest nugget, biggest line of bullshit, etc…..

Why do tekkies keep setting up new FB group pages, adding their friends without asking, when they know it will die a slow death?

How many people must lose their lives before Forrest Fenn calls off his buried treasure folly?

I saw where Minelab will be introducing a new machine at the Detectival event. Here’s hoping it’s a notch above the G0-Find and cheaper than the CTX 3030.

Based on the items I see found, photographed and shared on Facebook I’m thinking yesteryear’s finds would surely result in a never ending orgasm.

Is it true there’s a Facebook page called AT-Pro for left handed people with glasses and a lisp?

Why don’t detectorists read, as in READ? Are photees and videos where we’re at now?

I plan to go to the storage unit to see if my shoebox of buttons was saved.  If so I’m putting it on Ebay for big bucks and I have no intention of sorting through them.  Should bring in thousands I figure…..

How many YouTube videos will it finally take for tekkies to finally mutter “meh”…

Love seeing photos of old detectors. They remind me of great finds, great times and great friends…

Why doesn’t someone or some manufacturer put together something like “Detectival” here in the US?  The US is approximately 40 times larger than the UK.

Don’t care what it is you do for a living it’s only a matter of time before technology takes over your job…count on it.

Years ago when we were on our way to the Jersey shore to hunt, my friend Joe Attinello and I would always stop for breakfast at the Vincetown diner. He never ever paid the tab but would quickly pick it up, look at it and say to the waitress “and you don’t even wear a mask”. Loved that guy and miss him…..

The late Joe Attinello, early morning preparations for Treasure Weekend, mid-80’s….

Used to be going detecting was a simple endeavor. Today it appears to be a major undertaking that ends with movies credits and previews.

To the manufacturers…want to sell more detectors? Forget the programs, graphs, readouts and push-pads. Concentrate on DEPTH!

Seems the trend today is to give stuff away in order to get people to like your website, YouTube channel or podcast, so I’m thinking I might give it a try. Maybe an old lug wrench or that “Debbie Does Dallas” VHS tape. Not sure yet. Stay tuned.

Is anyone out there looking for real loot? As in outlaw loot, buried treasure, caches?

Oh well, the more for me….

Sure miss the old days when detector dealers had names like ‘Harry’s Roto-Rooter and Metal Detectors’ and ‘Billy Joe’s Towing and Treasure Supplies’.  They sold out of their garage, cellar and a few stored their inventory under the bed. True dat….

Worried about knocking on doors?  Well relax. My “Rent-a-Kid” program is coming to an area near you…. Prices will be by the hour and based on age, gender and cuteness. Extra charge for dimples, pigtails and freckles….

Seems the preference today is to use the word “save” instead of “find”.  You know “nice save Bob”. Well leave me out. Damned if I’m going to go save a few pulltabs.

Was working on my forthcoming (and expensive) coffee table book “Metal Detectors Leaning on Shovels” and I wanted to give you a little preview. The first is titled “Love is a Many Splendored Thing” and the second is titled “It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This”……

Would really love to know who the first tekkie was to video tape his hunt and then put it online. Did he only show good finds and why did he think anyone would be interested in watching him search?

Do you seriously get a kick out of watching a video of someone unpacking their new detector when it arrives? Really?

All you gal tekkies….if you are smart you’ll be thinking about an all gal detectorist calendar. There’s money to be made.

If I hear “haters gonna hate” one more time I’m going to scream!

It’s only a matter of time before the manufacturers come out with snack food for the treasure hunter? Doesn’t have to be yummy, they just need to put their logo on it and today’s tekkie will buy it.  Maybe Garrett Gummie Bears, Minelab Moon Pies and White’s Field Team Twinkies….

Why don’t we have something equivalent to the Brit’s wellies here in the colonies?





Filed under Metal Detecting

23 responses to “A Barrel of Brainfarts…

  1. Dominique

    Hmmmm…a metal detecting girls calendar? That might give your Debbie Does Dallas a run for its money… 😉

  2. Dick I wish you would stop beating around the bush and just come out and say how you feel already. I think I was the first to videotape a find but then dropped the camera into the ocean while I fumbled with it, so it never appeared online. It appeared underwater very briefly up until the salt-water shorted it out.

    To get anything online then, you had to have a “transfer box” from the no-definition-whatsoever camera into your massive and powerful computer video card. Lots of cables and fire-wire plugs later, you’d find the actual video transfer when digitized, would flutter and freeze while the sound proceeded on, or developed a greenish flicker that looked like your finds were being beamed up…badly…by the Federation starship, the USS Lookatme.

    Back then, YouTube was still run by the Youstubee Brothers who originated it because…well, they’d been at the local bar and wanted a video record of it for insurance purposes. Maybe not. Anyway, YouTube had a very strict 15-limit on videos, so if you went over by even one second, after a slow 60-minute upload bar got to the end, it would leave a short “Did Not Load” message. Plus, you could not control comments at all in the beginning…no matter WHAT someone said. One video I showed the hood of my car as I went out our security gates, talking about the destination we were going to hunt, and I got a comment “You rich people make me sick…leave something for the rest of us you !#!$!#!!!!” It stayed on there for years until UTOOB gave creators the ability to ditch that kind of stuff.

    All I can say, it’s much, much easier now to post HOURS of stuff online, and it takes only a few minutes to load a few hours of content. Some are good and some are not. I backed off doing videos online because, for me, it takes too much away from the hobby of detecting itself.

  3. Stan

    10 annoying things you may encounter on some metal detecting You Tube channels

    1. Hollywood production style intros:

    Big long fancy and very dramatic intro’s with loud music that last anywhere from 30 seconds to over a minute. There is no apparent reason. Just because they can.In an anti-climatic fashion the intro cuts to a muddy field with a shouting host “SORRY ABOUT THE WIND NOISE FOLKS!!” or to the in-car chat.

    2. The in-car chat:

    Listen to me talk about random stuff for ten minutes whilst driving on the motorway with traffic signs whizzing past. I can guarantee it that you’ll be absolutely none the wiser for it.

    3. The pre-hunt talk:

    “Now folks, last week, see over there by that tree (finger comes into the view finder) I found such and such, and by that rock…and on the side of that hill…..along that pathway……over there by that dead sheep…..” If you haven’t seen that video click on the box up here (points with finger)


    4. The Shout out:

    Check out my buddy he finds some really awesome and cool stuff. He’s also giving away a speed boat for his 200 subs competition. I’ll put a link in the description below. Just down there (points with finger) (NOTE: He still hasn’t actually detected yet)

    5. Never ending signals:

    “Mmmm now this is an interesting target folks, listen to this” wiggles coil 20 times over the ground. “Can you hear that?” Moves to a different angle and wiggles coil back and forth another 20 times. “Now that sounds like a coin to me but I’m not sure, the signal is a little bit grumpy at the end there…” Proceeds to talks shit for another few minutes then takes a further 2 minutes to pin point and dig the hole. (JUST DIG THE FOOKING HOLE ALREADY!!!)

    6. The reveal:

    You tuber then reveals it’s a blank button in very bad shape. “But I’m very happy with that. I like buttons…ah well” (NO HE’S NOT REALLY. HE SO WANTED IT TO BE A GOLD OR SILVER COIN. IT WAS A LIVE DIG TOO. HE’S PISSED)

    7. Say and repeat:

    After every hole – “Onto the next” or “See you at the next” Yes we know. We know we will and we can’t wait. Brilliant.

    8. The round-up (or see you at the round-up folks”)

    “Come on focus…focus god dammit….sorry about this folks but for some reason my camera doesn’t want to focus today…” (At which point the viewer is developing a migraine)

    9. On a separate note:

    I really appreciate all your support. You’re all superly, awesomely amazing and sorry if I don’t reply to every comment. Please know that it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. For example if I was to reply to every single comment I just wouldn’t get the time to make detecting videos that don’t have that much detecting in them in the first place. I know you’ll understand.

    10: Thumbs down:

    “Well everybody has the right to an opinion. This really does not bother me. Honestly. I couldn’t be bothered. Anyway, I know who the thumbs downers are. I took the time to research it when I could have used that time to reply to you guys. But I didn’t. Anyway I know who they are….just saying…and I’m totally cool with that…..it’s fine….I can handle that….”

    • Hah Stan, I love it. One doesn’t have to look too far to find all of those cliches, that’s for sure. And how many detecting videos do you think are out there in cyberspace? Surely in the thousands…

  4. BigTony

    First off – Those comments above are really funny…

    The picture of Joe in Atlantic City is the best, love the sign in the background showing the artists. That brings back memories. And the photo of the cash box gets my juices flowing and I don’t mean out of a bottle.

    Oh and I heard that the new minelab will have a GoPro camera looking out of the back of the display screen with wireless upload capability. Also heard that folks are making a small robot attachment that will help you dig! Battery operated of course……

    • The camera in back of the display is interesting….never thought of that. I mean if they can do it to a smart phone they can certainly do it to a detector. You may have hit on something there Tony.

  5. BigTony

    Oh, I left out that the new machine will come in colors like pink, purple, camo and black with stripes like a Zebra

  6. BigTony

    I should patent that idea quickly

  7. Ah how I missed this. Technology will take over all jobs but since I fix technology, mine will be the last one to go.

    I will buy any snack that comes with wireless headphones and a GPS (oh and camo wrapping).

    Nowadays, all my hunts begin with “maybe I’ll stay in and read instead”

    And yes, I say it all the time “you’re not saving history, your on your knees digging holes looking for shiny stuff”

  8. DougF

    Stan’s comment above is right on target. I don’t watch many of the youtube videos, but can’t they come up with some adjective other than “awesome”? If everything is awesome, the word is meaningless. How about “interesting”, or “pretty good”, or “OK”?

    • Doug have a feeling it is because it’s THEIR video. The majority of what I see are self promoting, and while there’s nothing wrong with that it just gets old and redundant. Have a feeling too that if you’re a guy trying to make a name for yourself on YouTube you’ve got an up hill battle thanks to a few gal tekkies out there.

    • Ed B.

      Awesome is bad enough but “sweet” is the one that gets on my nerves.

  9. Packrat

    Hi Dick, A couple of things First funny you mentioned about people still hunting for real treasure. I was just thinking the same thing this morning. Use to hear about people like LL Lincoln Bill Mahan and others who found large and small caches. Makes you wonder… Also I agree about the old machines. Love to see people use them and as you know I still do in competition hunts. Love my Compass 76 Auto! Keep up the good writing.

    • Hey Larry..

      Think research is not in vogue anymore. Today’s tekkie pretty much wants instant gratification via photos and videos. No one reads. Just another era, another generation.

      I had quite a few notes and documents on the Doan gang and John Ringo, but I’m not back east now and have no idea whether they survived the tornado or not. From I could see that area of my office was wiped out.

      Hope you are well my friend and thanks for stopping by.

  10. Oh Dick, if only you knew……..”It’s only a matter of time before the manufacturers come out with snack food for the treasure hunter?” Google for Eat Me Diggers Milk Chocolate Covered Digestive Bars (18 per pack – 338g) been scoffing them for years over this side of the pond, even bought a pack specially for the American Diggers (Tim & George) who pester us each year.

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