Come on Now, it’s the Holidays…


You all know how much I love forums, but I must tell you I routinely check them to see what’s going on in this wacky world of detecting and from time to time I do learn something that helps me be a better detectorist. They’re also good for a few laughs. So since you didn’t ask….a few observations.


“Know it All Ken” – Ken Is the guru on the forum and for that matter all the forums. No matter the topic or question he has the answer.

“Nobody’s older Nick” – no matter how long you’ve been detecting Nick has been doing it longer. He built the first detector with Alexander Graham Bell, knew the lost Dutchman, helped Mel Fisher find the Atocha and was Karl von Mueller’s best friend.

“I can fix it Frank” – No matter what’s wrong with your detector Frank can fix it. Not for real, just online.


“I’ll kick your ass Al” – takes offense to anyone telling him he’s wrong. Fifty years of detecting automatically makes him bad ass.

“Just shoot ’em Jake” – no matter the topic or category Jake thinks a gun will fix the problem.

“Screw it up Sam” – just shows up and starts arguments.

“Welcome aboard Wally” – never offers any useful information but is very good at “welcome” and “Alabama here”….

“Video Vick” – can be counted on to post at least one video every other day. Doesn’t matter if he didn’t find anything interesting …he’s just sure you want to watch him dig holes.

“Has ‘em all Harry” – Harry apparently has every detector made and lists them under his moniker. Wouldn’t be surprised if he has a big collection of willow twigs under his bed.

“What’s the best Willy” – Willy will tell you what to buy, where to buy and how much you should pay for it. Has only one detector but knows how the rest of them work.

“Charter Member Chuck” – Chuck boasts over 200,000 posts, shows up every day, all day and can be counted on to reply to every single post, no matter the category.

“Let’s see you beat this Larry” has the only detector that can detect a penny at two feet. No matter what you say HIS detector is better.

“Forum owner Fred” – tries to keep order, bans any mention of dealers or brands that aren’t helping his bottom line and swears he’s unbiased and fair.

doctor ________________________


“Do you carry a gun when you go detecting” –  Goes with the camo and we all know nothing gets that homeowner’s permission quicker than the sight of a Smith & Wesson.

“What is the best metal detector” good for a thousand replies, lots of biases and no real definitive answer.

“Smoking pot” –  nothing like having a clear head, empty pockets and a court date.

“How many detectors do you own” cause the more you have the better your chances of your wife leaving.

”What am I doing wrong” 100 replies and 20 different fixes.

“Do coins sink deeper over time” nobody knows the answer to this and honestly who really gives a shit?

“Gal new to the hobby” count on a thousand views, 500 replies and 100 offers to show her in person how to do it (detecting that is).

Of course if you posted something like “metal detecting to be banned in the in Southwest you would see 30 views and 0 replies because hey if it doesn’t affect me who gives a rat’s ass.


I’ve been envious for years of some of the cool names tekkies use on forums.  Names like Relic Nut, Beepbeep, Deftones and Adambomb. Thinking I might get rid of Dick Stout and go with something like Digitforme, Cantgetup, IBhurtin or Mannytabs…..



….I usually go right away to my favorites like Dumpster Diving, Sluicing, Spelunking and Trommeling (what the hell is trommeling?). Given these popular categories why not one called “Seniors who drink”? Of course they could save space and condense a lot of the categories into just one called “Bullshit”.


Okay, now that I’ve pissed off every forum owner, admin, and groupie, have a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year, have one for me and take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m old, cranky and on my third glass of red.




Be sure to check out Gretchen Guinazzo’s (Chicago Ron’s wife) new project Provenance Creations! Neat gifts and a great idea. Best of luck Gretchen!




My opinions and views are usually just a lot of nonsense (or bullshit if you choose) but as long as I have a few people who like to hear them I will continue on with the blog.  The posts will not be as frequent and the topic not always detecting. The good ideas are ever so slowly being replaced by brainfarts….




Filed under Metal Detecting

22 responses to “Come on Now, it’s the Holidays…

  1. groundviewmd

    Lol, right on the money Dick. Happy New Year.

  2. I know everyone you mentioned very well , Dick, having 50-years of experience in the hobby and all. Anyone who disagrees with me, I’ll tell em’ where to go dang quick!!! I like your ideas for new monikers…I really like CANTGETUP, and since you are taking that one, I’m gonna take CANTGETUPWITHOUTMYLESCHE since it’s true enough. Maybe you’d consider HIGHLYCANTANKEROUS, since that is true enough also.
    Happy New Year!

  3. Gary

    Ha, very good. Made me laugh..Happy New Year!

  4. wendell

    Wonderful and fun post, Dick. I needed a laugh in the worst way. Happy New Year.

  5. jbkeefer

    Thank you for the laughs!

    Happy new year Mr Stout.

  6. You pegged it–Happy New Year!

  7. Paul T

    I am thought that you were aware of the sinking coin. In the Fall they would sink in the ground and in the Spring they would come to the surface. Oh, yes in the old days we had detectors that would find an Indian head penny at One foot in the ground. Silver dollars two feet deep. Just ask some of the old timers in the Midwest, they will tell you that is true. Drink a glass of red for me Dick. All our best from Nebraskie.
    Paul. T.

  8. Joe

    That was a good laugh, Dick, thanks! It’s a new world, for sure. 25 or 30 years ago, the only real outlet for detectorists to get their fix was via the treasure rags, or maybe through a club newsletter. Now, in 2016, you have Youtube, forums, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, vlogs, podcasts, t.v. shows and a million other forms of communication. So, I don’t think all of the personality types you mentioned suddenly appeared on the internet. Rather, they were always around, but there was previously no venue where they had a voice…as crazy as some those voices can sometimes be, lol.

    To be candid, I think many of us are suffering from information overload. Getting our hobby fix is one thing, but like the 24/7 news channels, when does it all become too much?

    I know people that have membership in a couple of hundred Facebook pages. Really?! Or they’re subscribed to 50 or 60 blogs. Who the hell reads that much?! I’m as gung-ho on the hobby as the next guy, but I can’t keep up with it all anymore. I have a few Youtube channels I watch from time to time, as well as my preferred online reading sources, but aside from that, I like to actually get out and dig when I have free time. Which isn’t often nowadays.

    I won’t hold my breath waiting for you to create your Youtube channel, but if you do, I have the perfect name for it…

    Dick Dillinger the Silver Slinger!

    • Hi Joe…. think you’re right about the overload. Someday long after I’m gone someone is going to write about this era and the effect the internet has had on the world. It’s been responsible a lot of good as well as a lot of bad. I predict it won’t be long before everyone is shopping from home, putting a lot more folks out of work.

      And Joe, don’t hold your breath or wait fore Dick Dillinger to show up on YouTube. Looney Tunes maybe…. Happy New Year an thanks for stopping by.

  9. Bigtony

    Yeah, you hit i the nail on the head with this post for sure.
    Paul, BTW – did you see the 1000 plus posts on the sinking coin question?
    Happy New Year and a healthy one to you and yours!

  10. SeabeeRon

    We see all types on the forums and blogs! Keep up the good work Dick!

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