An Update from John Howland…

“Oh, what a beauty, I’ve never seen one as big as that before…”

…Is a line from popular risqué song made famous by the legendary ukulele-playing entertainer, George Formby.

Now, I know there are certain names we don’t mention here on Stout Standards, but this one really is too good to miss and a prime example of scatter-gun insults, not to mention possible libel. A certain émigré Brit currently resident in Warsaw since 1986 who now teaches English and who describes himself as an ‘archaeologist’, regularly heaps invective and venom on detectorists, coin collectors and relic hunters in the manner of a kindergarten brat unable to have its own way, has thrown his toys out of the pram yet again. Only this time the target of his child-like spite is Britain’s archaeological community – yep, he’s ‘arkie’ bashing, the same ones who ran to his defence when the dodgy science behind his now widely-derided Artefact Erosion Counter was lambasted and expertly unpicked by experts in these columns.

He demonstrates what skills he has with the English language with this sample of his expertise:-

“There is actually a great silence from the British archaeological community (apparently for the most part, limp-wristed, pandering jobsworths who could not give a tinkers[sic] about any of this). It is good that there are archaeologists elsewhere [in Germany, apparently] keeping their eye on the ball.”

Thus, according to our English language teacher most of Britain’s male members of the archaeological community are “limp-wristed”, which for our US readers, means effete, mincing, homosexual, or in the current patois, ‘gay’.

How he arrives at this conclusion is anyone’s guess? A little extra-curricular activity on the subject perhaps? Does he include HRH The Prince of Wales, heir to the throne? HRH studied archaeology while at Cambridge University and who went on to become the Patron of the Council for British Archaeology?

And what about all his so-called pals in amateur archaeology; you know the ones, all those well-meaning folk who gather for Megameets at Standing Stones in Wiltshire….?

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