A Quick 3 & a Handoff to Howland…


I am still getting emails (a couple quite nasty) about my not posting future update links on FB pages, so here goes one last time….

I have been adding links to Facebook pages now for almost two years and without great results. Oh every once in a while I will get a “like” or a brief comment but more often than not I receive no response at all.

That could mean a couple of things…(1) No one likes the blog and/or (2), no one understands it nor wants to take the time to try.  I have no problem with either one of these two scenarios but at the same time I will not continue to go through the motions.  My blog is what it is and I am proud of it.  I will not force feed it to anyone.

I also feel that those folks who do enjoy reading what John and I have to say will have no problem adding their email addresses in the left column.  Many have already done so and I thank you. If you have doubts about following along ask yourself this…… “where else can I find crap, information like this”?




Please read John’s latest blog post, especially the part about friendly collectors.  It says a lot about who we are and how we should be viewed, not as we are often painted by the envious characters in the enemy camp….thanks John and hope you enjoy your retirement.




With the advent of fall, hunting season can’t far behind and I want to remind you all to be very careful if and when you are out detecting rural areas. Most definitely don’t dress in camo (save it for Sundays and church).  I came close to getting shot a couple of times and in each instance it was my fault.  No I wasn’t wearing camo but I wasn’t very colorful either (tans, greens, etc.)  It didn’t take me long to decide those old homesites and picnic groves were going to have to wait until all those folks sitting in tree stands got their thrill for the year.



John Howland

John Howland

Sharing John’s latest here and hope you enjoy. As usual he takes a shot or two at the Warsaw Warbler but honestly it’s really hard not to.  He should do standup comedy but then again that would necessitate him showing his face and that’s not going to happen.

Anyway here’s Johnny….. 



In the wake of the Museums Association’s decision to suspend Northampton Borough Council’s membership for the heinous heritage ‘crime’ of selling its own property – the Sekhemka statue – a Council spokesperson told the pompous Museums Association (MA) to stick its membership where a monkey stuffs its nuts.

Replying to the MA’s action a Northampton Council spokesperson put it somewhat bluntly:-

“It is curious that the Museums’ Association is choosing to review our membership when we have already notified them that we have resigned from the Association and have no desire to ever re-join. Having reviewed the value of membership we could not see what benefit it offered to our museums. We are focusing on the future and our exciting plans to invest in improving both museums including the huge expansion of the Northampton Museum and Art Gallery rather than the odd bureaucracy of an organisation we no longer belong to.”

Source: http://www.northampton-news-hp.co.uk/BREAKING-Northampton-Borough-Council-BARRED/story-23026153-detail/story.html#MlDPkL2jhDwBxrjY.99

Unsurprisingly, one archaeo-blogger put his own spin on events by racing to the MA’s defence:-

“Northampton Borough Council is only the fourth organisation that has been barred from membership in the MA’s 125-year history.” Oooh! And I doubt they’ll be the last.

Hat’s off to Northampton Borough Council for giving the bossy-boots, po-faced MA the Agincourt Salute.




Talking of po-faced organisations, the Daily Express’ Adrian Lee, writing about the new BBC sit-com, Detectorists, a gentle comedy ‘ revolving around the bizarre world of metal detecting,’ quotes the National Council for Metal Detecting’s General Secretary Trevor Austin, on the self-important and near-impotent NCMD’s decision to wash its hands of any involvement in the making of the new detectorist sit-com because, “We didn’t think it was something we wanted to be involved in. It does worry me that they are taking the mickey out of metal detecting. It is a serious hobby.”

Really Trev! And to borrow a line from another famous sit-com, Only Fools and Horses, “What a 24-carat plonker you really are!”

*Rodney Trotter a main character in the UK television sit-com series, Only Fools and Horses.


Is a treasure hunter an archaeologist who’s been mugged by reality?



A ‘hoiker’ hater writes:-

“[…]…archaeology per se does not fight world poverty, ebola, capitalism, globalism, industrial pollution, global warming, terrorism, the progressive extinction of the world’s wildlife, child abuse, drink-driving, drive-by shootings, police brutality, or anything else.”

Eagle-eyed readers will have spotted that his list is the recognizable face of academia’s self-righteous, smug, and detector-hating political Left Wing; though this particular ‘hoiker’-hater, maintains his woeful standards by tritely avoiding revelations that some archaeologists have thrown their lot in with brutal regimes where the violent crushing of political dissidents, and State-sponsored murder was commonplace. Pre-democracy Poland is a perfect example. Bizarrely, he expects the world to take him seriously. Ha, ha, ho, ho!  Oh, dearie me, not on this form!

Small wonder his anti-collecting, anti-detecting blog, is a burlesque of absurdity.


“LUSTRATION”…someone, somewhere, reading this edition of the Malamute Saloon, knows precisely what the word means, and knows too, that I know what it means.



The first episode of television’s new sit-com, Detectorists, is receiving critical acclaim. “It is a classic sitcom set-up which has been executed well here […] viewers have already struck gold,” writes Rupert Hawksley in The Telegraph.

Sam Wollaston, writes in The Guardian equally enthusiastic, “It’s sharp, nicely observed, good to look at, with lovely understated performances from Crook and Toby Jones.”

The series will – on current form – greatly inflate the public profile of the detecting pastime and generate new hobby-interest which augurs well for the retail section. It bodes less well for the green-eyed naysayers, the whingers, the whiners, the ill-mannered, the ill-educated and the rest of the detritus at the arse-end of immoderate archaeology’s pantomime horse and pecking order.

Meanwhile, over on a familiar unrestrained and downmarket blog (where, horseshit rules OK!), there’s a typical piece of the Knows-F**k-All-About-Detecting genre. Indeed, while trying to carve a new career as a TV critic and somewhat disastrously it must be said, the writer validates his trifling comprehension with a pubertal effort worthy of a work experience ‘yoof’s’ first outing with a pen:-

“The detectors used are not the cheapest […] During the first meeting with a landowner we see, there is no signing of any search-and-take agreement. We were shown no checking to see if the land was protected, no organised search technique… How typical is that? And when will the Essex FLO feature?”

So, the nit-picking plodder – who’s obviously never heard the maxim of writing about what you know – wants ‘typical’ eh? Never mind the Essex FLO, what he should do is introduce is a bearded, spectacle- wearing chinless wonder, into the equation; one with a nause-rating of ‘8’; dresses like his mum buys his clothes, and typically, squeals, bawls, and throws his toys out of the pram whenever metal detecting or the PAS hits the headlines.

Detectorists is a sit-com my old son, not a documentary. Better not give up yer day job, eh?


Over on Washington DA Peter Tompa’s blog, Cultural Property Observer, he posed the question:-

Archaeological Assault Brigade?

There is some talk in twitterdom about the need for archaeologists to team up with the military to defeat ISIS/ISIL. CPO is all for it. Committed archaeologists should sign up, get some basic military training, and be inserted into Syria and Iraq to help reclaim archaeological sites from terrorists.

What could this mean if hordes of arkies mobilise?

Can we expect then, to see that threadbare fighting unit, Vlasov Barford’s Kommissars, who always fight to the last Heritage Action man, or who surrender en masse (as they did when Communist forces marched into Poland), and again, when faced with withering Truth Missiles fired by high IQ metal detecting ‘special forces’?

They will of course be supported and well to the rear, by Swift’s Mercian Fibbers, known colloquially as the ‘long range snipers,’ who avoid hand-to-hand combat at all costs preferring to report fictional attacks to the police. Behind these will be the Canadian, Knell’s Pioneers, experts in digging latrines when under heavy fire. Their Vocal Support Division (Infantry) will try to halt the enemy’s attacks with shrill cries of; ‘It’s Soooooo unfair!’ or the coup-de-grace, ‘You utter bastards’.



The first step on the way to victory is to recognize the enemy….Corrie Ten Boom

I’ll see you all in the bar….



Filed under Metal Detecting

18 responses to “A Quick 3 & a Handoff to Howland…

  1. Try not to take the hate mail to heart Dick, there are some oddballs out there who dont realise how much work goes into running blogs/websites and whatever else.

    Great blog post John, I spat my coffee out laughing at some of it.


  2. wintersen

    I wish that I could write like the bloke from the Malamute Saloon. His carefully constructed comments are invariably witty, acerbic and sometimes caustic … especially when writing about a certain blogger. I’m looking forward to John’s book on archaeological etiquette … could be a best seller!

    Seriously, I admire the continued stance and the way he writes although I don’t have the skill or tenacity to emulate his style. Furthermore, Dick and I have long ago come to the conclusion that to engage with the Warsaw Warbler can be likened to ‘piddling in the wind’.

    • Ah, but John’s favorite pastime is ‘piddling in the wind’ when it comes to the warbler. Think there’s a deep seated love affair we don’t know about. Then again maybe he owes Wally $20 too?

      • Ricardo y JW

        It’s just that I’m a keen ornithologist, especially Warblers…or ‘Turd Watching’ as it’s more commonly known.

        Juan H

  3. Linda Bennett

    Who has time to surf all these sites?? I would rather be out metal detecting instead.

  4. danhughes1

    Dick, I’m confused. Never having had an encounter with an archaeologist, I just kinda skipped over “archaeology per se does not fight world poverty, ebola, capitalism, globalism, industrial pollution, global warming, terrorism, the progressive extinction of the world’s wildlife, child abuse, drink-driving, drive-by shootings, police brutality, or anything else” part of your blog.

    But then I came to this part:

    “Eagle-eyed readers will have spotted that his list is the recognizable face of academia’s self-righteous, smug, and detector-hating political Left Wing”

    And that made me backtrack and read again, because I’m quite the lefty.

    My first question is, which of those items on the list do right-wingers favor? Because I do dislike poverty, ebola, pollution, terrorism, child abuse, drunk driving, drive-by shootings, and police brutality. I didn’t realize that conservatives championed these causes.

    As for my “recognizable face”, I do have to admit that I am of the academia, having taught college for 27 years. And I guess I’m self-righteous; at least I think I’m usually righteous. Smug? Well, retired and fairly well-off and able to do what I want when I want does give me a certain amount of smugness. But detector-hating? Totally wrong on that one! Political? Only when attacked, and even then only if I’m in an ornery mood. But you did get the left wing part right, not that I get much involved anymore.

    Hope we’re still friends.

    • Dan, no problems at all. I consider myself a lefty as well….. John was referring to the following post by Paul Barford and the mention of “left” was pertinent to where lives.


    • Hya Dan:
      I’m a Communist by political inclination, but a severe Right Winger by practicality. Puzzled? All academic Lefties support communism – they want the ‘ordinary’ folk to do the 12-hr shifts in the tractor works, in the fields, and down the mines, while they, swan about writing poetry, writing plays and f*****g about ‘doing’ culture. Look at Lenin and Marx – a right pair of ‘Lefty’ academic a******s. I doubt sweat ever broke their brows.

      Detectorists represent the working man’s involvement in the ‘academic’ pursuit of archaeology and now that British detectorists are backed by the multi-million pound PAS, the so-called brains of the outfit have gone ape shit. This you see is their lair, their preserve, where they can bullshit the taxpayer, and they don’t much like the plumber, the baker, and the candlestick maker horning-in and taking loadsa credit – nor can they answer the question of why if they are so f*****g smart are we/you finding these fabulous finds?

      Yeah, we’re still friends. Come the Revolution, we’ll all have metal detectors!


      John Howland

  5. Dick,

    This has been one of your more entertaining posts in a while. I enjoyed it. You’ve collected a hodge podge of news and stories, each of which seems to outdo the previous.

    It was great to see that you got to visit with your brother. I hope you enjoyed yourself.

    Daniel Bernzweig

  6. jamie


    The way Facebook organizes what posts show up on feeds may be why its not showing up. Most user feeds get a lot of messages and facebook has decided which posts people see based on a number of factors.

    I believe I like your page or whatever they call it and I never see your posts. I guess you dont pay them enough. Frankly, screw them, do what you want to do and keep the direct feed from wordpress coming.


    • Jamie your explanation confused me but that’s okay because it made be realize I am doing the right thing. I don’t need any more confusion in my life…. You da man.

  7. supernova1c

    Very good post and interesting comments Dick. Enjoyed Johns piece, your both very entertaining to read:)
    My best, James 🙂

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