A Howling Howland Feature…

Actually not a lot of things going on here in Texas and I have run out of brainfarts…   As a result I decided to let John Howland take the first page here this time around.  He will of course owe me for this, but as is always the case I can’t collect until I see him again.  He buys me beers, scotch but never sends money. Afraid I guess I might waste it on something else…


So here ya go – John Howland at his finest (as in stoned)!  Remember John’s musings can always be found by clicking on the Malamute Saloon link above.

Thanks Bubba….



This is how the UK deals with objects recovered by metal detectorists. What follows is taken from the Portable Antiquities Scheme (PAS) website and explains precisely what the scheme is all about.

Why not show this to your State legislators. It’s arguably pre-eminent method of dealing with and encouraging members of the public to report items and objects found by them, detectorists, and archaeologists alike.

“Thousands of archaeological objects are discovered every year, many by members of the public, particularly by people while metal-detecting.  If recorded, these finds have great potential to transform archaeological knowledge, helping us understand when, where and how people lived in the past.

The Portable Antiquities Scheme offers the only proactive mechanism for systematically recording such finds, which are made publicly available on its online database.  This data is an important educational and research resource that can be used by anyone interested in learning more.

The Portable Antiquities Scheme is managed by the British Museum, and funded by the Department for Culture, Media and Sport through a ring-fenced grant, the British Museum and local partners. Its work is guided by the Portable Antiquities Advisory Group, whose membership includes leading archaeological, landowner and metal-detecting organisations.

Under the Treasure Act 1996 finders have a legal obligation to report all finds of potential Treasure to the local Coroner.  The Portable Antiquities Scheme and its network of Finds Liaison Officers play an essential role in the operation of the Act, advising finders of their legal obligations, providing advice on the process and writing reports for Coroners on Treasure finds.

The Act allows a national or local museum to acquire Treasure finds for public benefit. If this happens a reward is paid, which is (normally) shared equally between the finder and landowner; interested parties may wish to waive their right to a reward, enabling museums to acquire finds at reduced or no cost.  Rewards are fixed at the full market value of the find, determined by the Secretary of State upon the advice of an independent panel of experts, known as the Treasure Valuation   Committee.”

From the date of its inception, the PAS has recorded over 800,000 items of historic interest found by members of the public, though overwhelmingly the majority are the result of metal detecting activity.  Bizarrely, only a handful of the PAS’s recorded objects, by comparison, owe their reportage to archaeological enterprise even though archaeologists are not discouraged from adding to the database.



“Fifty Shades of Red

 By Pavel M Lenin

(First published in 1987 as, Why I Hate the ‘kin West: And Every ‘kin Bastard in it! )

Category: Fiction (Was £50, but they are paying this to take it away); Published by: Heritage Fiction, Warsaw, Poland…


This somewhat bumptious opus (it must be said) is the story of Hoiking Coynes, a young man sent down from university in mysterious circumstances who then flees the Free West to take up residence behind the Iron Curtain. Here he is welcomed and financed by the Comrades to pen a somewhat impenetrable history book of no particular importance or relevance. For the first time in his seedy life, Hoiking is treated with the respect and adulation denied him in the Free West evinced by the Apparatchiks who elevate him to the Party hierarchy, then finance his limited writing abilities in the aforementioned, pretentious, labyrinthine historical text.

Paradoxically, Hoiking owes everything in life to the Communist regime even though he is seemingly ignorant that political prisoners, torture, imprisonment without trial are fundamental to the Worker State.  To ingratiate himself further with his adopted politicos, he harangues the Capitalist Free West and all its values especially that of allowing private collecting by individuals. He is rewarded with the honorary rank of Commissar.

The Communists appoint him to a senior role within the heritage bureaucracy – much to the resentment of his Communist-hating juniors over whom he lords his position.  His struggle to manifest his long-held dream of becoming a famous, widely admired archaeologist evaporates when the Berlin Wall collapses and the freedom fighters take their revenge, after which the only employment open to him – he being a former crony of the much detested Communist State – is taxi-driving, or as  a jobbing latrine attendant. Of course he is unable to return to live in his native land, where in the wake of years of throwing insults at it, no one wants him back anyway. He does however manage to creep in under the radar for brief visits with academic crypto-communists.

But his fortunes change in the final chapter when true love blossoms with Nigella, a semi-literate, ageing, good-time gal and archaeological groupie. In the event, they conduct a passionate and breathless affair writing billets-doux via their blogs, though full consummation of their love is not made clear and is left very much to the reader’s imagination.



Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake…

I’ll See Y’all in the Bar! 

John H.



Filed under Metal Detecting

4 responses to “A Howling Howland Feature…

  1. Dick, your line about wasting money by not buying booze with it reminds me of a great WC Fields movie scene where he rushes frantically into a bar and demands of the bartender, “Did I spend a twenty-dollar bill in here last night?”

    The bartender says, “Why yes sir, you did.”

    And Fields wipes his brow in relief and says, “Thank God! I thought I’d LOST it!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s