A Milestone for the Malamute Saloon…

I decided to share John Howland’s most recent post here, as well as on his Malamute Saloon link. Why? Because it is his 100th, and that my friends is monumental for a couple of reasons.  First I didn’t think he had that many words in him, nor did I think he could actually hang in there that long without some sort of  remuneration, as in money, beer, wine or scotch. Secondly, I thought surely one or two arkies would have done him in before now. Then again his two favorites are  more limp than tenacious….

Cheers2All kidding aside I have appreciated John’s contributions over the past three years, even though I’ve had to censor a few (John’s vocabulary can make the four letter words sound like Dick and Jane), and writing a blog with him is no different than being around him….you have to be on your toes at all times (and be ready to run).

So here’s Johnny…..



(My 100th Contribution to this cheap SOB!)

Dick Stout’s got more front than Atlantic City. I’ve known him since the time the Dead Sea first went sick, and for years now, I have worked, nay slaved, to supply  him with suitable, eloquent copy for his blog, and what do I get in return? Henry Hall’s brother….F**k Hall! Not even a sniff of single malt, let alone a beer. Jeez!  I mean, I’ve seen Halle’s Comet more times than I’ve seen the inside of his wallet. I remember one time in a bar in AC, Cliff Stefens stood a round, I stood a round, and Ricardo, well he just stood around!

I did some research on him recently and discovered the name ‘Stout’ originates from the Anglo-Saxon, dating from the 9th Century meaning, generous, likeablelavish with ale, and loyal to friends. ‘Dick’ (or Richard, or Ricardo) comes from the Norman patois of 11th Century Gaul (modern day France) and was brought to  England with William the Conqueror in 1066AD, and roughly translated means…Not Very.

I really can’t fathom how the fragrant Fay puts up with him. I recall when I visited the States some years ago and fell into his clutches when he gave me the  now-famous tour of New York with its three Empire State Buildings, two Brooklyn Bridges and three Central Parks, he leaned out of the car and asked a New York Cab  Driver…”Hey, do you know the Noo Josiey toyn-off?”

“Sure” the Cabbie shrugged, “I married her!”  Oh, I thought, this is gonna be some kinda trip.

Some days later at a drinks party in a Condo in AC I bumped into Cliff Stefens, bumped into Harry Bodofski, stepped over Dick Stout, bumped into Archie Ray…I mean  the guy’s on another planet…he even thinks Manual Labor is an illegal Mexican gardener….and a Royal Enfield is where the Queen keeps her chickens! Sheesh!

John "Bubba" Howland, cover of early Searcher magazine....with his favorite liquids.

John “Bubba” Howland, cover of early Searcher magazine….with his favorite liquids.

A couple of years later he stepped foot on this Sceptered Isle (or should that be Septic?). All I can say is, thank Jesus they got Independence. I take him to the  Mayfly, arguably the finest hostelry in these Islands where the finest ales are purveyed and spend hours not to mention loadsacash, trying to wean him off that vile  American habit of drinking ice-cold gnat’s piss and onto real ale. It cost me a small fortune, and it was only then I realised this guy wasn’t as cabbage as he looked.  I poured him into my car for the journey home. Fay, as ever, was perfection; cool, calm, sophisticated and elegant. Opposites attract!

Stouty though is an enigma. For all his faults (his love of cold beer, so-so wine, just to name a few), he has been my great friend for over twenty-five years.  If this hobby had ten more like him, with his drive and zeal, metal detecting would be compulsory across the globe. He’s a bloody good editor too, and a great calming  influence on me, knowing my ‘love’ for the reptiles who’d put us out of business at the drop of hat.

All success to Stout Standards for the future, and long may he and it continue to shred the propaganda spewing forth from, unfortunately, the UK and Poland.

We’ve had some successes along the way but the drubbing of the Artefact Erosion Counter must surely rank as one of his high points. Stout Standards under Dick’s careful eye has been a rallying point for many worthy causes and we all owe him a huge debt of gratitude. Well done mate!

Now can I have that bloody $20 you owe me?



An amateur built the ark, but a professional built the Titanic…..



Filed under Metal Detecting

9 responses to “A Milestone for the Malamute Saloon…

  1. In the very first Searcher magazine of September 1995, Mr Howland was interviewed on his retirement as General Secretary of the NCMD.

    One of the questions was : “You have earned a reputation as a ‘hardliner’. Is that a fair description?”

    Part of his answer was: “If not being a ‘hardliner’ means I should stand back and let those who disapprove destroy the hobby, without a fight, then I’m a ‘hardliner’.

    Twenty eight years later and he’s still fighting.

  2. bill from lachine

    John’s just misunderstood at times…..he’s a good chap…..that said I’d rather be on his side than the side of his detractors….

    Carry on John and good luck on the next 100 posts.

    Regards + HH


  3. I used to know a bloke called Bill from Lachine 😦

  4. Awesome article–loved it!
    I laughed the whole way through. I would love to be a fly on the wall in a pub where the bunch of you are hanging out.

    Dick I didn’t know you had razor blades in your pockets?

    • Not sure you would like being that fly Diva…. First off the Brits talk funny. They drink too much. Then they start insulting everyone, including the Queen. Then they start farting. They they start …..ah, never mind, you get the picture.

  5. A wonderfull guy is that Bill from Lachine….(the brown envelope stuffed with used notes as you asked for, is on the way).

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